From http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass to oblivion a quarter way through the first chapter.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norried.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, Chuck Norris would win.
When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one dares ask why.
The original title for "Alien vs Predator" was "Alien & Predator vs Chuck Norris". The film was cancelled shortly after going into production. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie 14 seconds long.
It takes Chuck Norris 60 seconds to watch 60 Minutes.
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, and he would grow up to be the-man-who-would-singlehandedly-defeat-a-million-warriors and unite the world. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am."
What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...terrified
of Chuck Norris."